


In My Head

by orphan_account



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-04
Updated: 2014-01-04
Packaged: 2018-01-07 10:57:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1119043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I don't have a heart, and so the fact that I would do anything to save you must be because you're useful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In My Head

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I know, I suck at titles, I suck at summaries. Sorry, sorry, sorry.  
> I don't own any of this, obviously, I just enjoy writing this sort of thing.  
> This is another fic I've had written for ages (I found a notebook full of them and I'm posting all/most of them now).  
> All mistakes are mine, as per the usual, and I really really really like reviews.

It's noise.

That's what being me is: constant noise in my head, facts assaulting me from every angle ( _sin, cosin 180°_ ) and I can't block them out.

Facts about people ( _woman, married 30 years, 2 children, having an affair, had tea this morning_ ) and objects ( _coffee mug, full cold, left in a hurry_ ). 

But then there was you. An open book ( _novel, pages, paper, turning_ ), you were so easy to read.

Afghanistan or Iraq?

Slowly, though, I realised ( _something I hadn't known before, something new_ ) that there were things about you I didn't know. I realised that you were, after all, an enigma ( _a mystery_ ) and certain things about you, like the fact that you've stayed with me all this time ( _unreasonable, ridiculous,_ _unbelievable_ ) and the way you thought I was amazing that first day, while they didn't make sense, gave me a strange warm feeling in my chest ( _heart: center of emotion_ ).

But I don't have a heart ( _denial, lies -- no,_ truth).

I don't have a heart, and so the fact ( _fact: undeniable_ ) that I would do anything to keep you safe must be because you're useful ( _helpful_ ).

Are you?

You must be, or I wouldn't be willing to risk my life for you ( _irrational, pointless,_ sentiment).

And the ache in the pit of my stomach whenever you go out with those ridiculous women must be irritation ( _jealousy_ ) because you're not around for me to bounce ideas of off ( _because they're so wrong for you. How can you not see that?_ ).

Strange.

You, too, have been acting strange lately. Dropping everything to text me back when I text you ( _friendship_ ), leaving your dates whenever I ask ( _loyalty and the thrill of the case_ ), and the touching ( _unexplainable_ ). There has been a significant increase in  _touching_ over the past few weeks. It's very odd, but the strangest thing is that I don't mind it ( _enjoy it_ ). 

You're home now ( _home: safe, warm, you_ ) and sitting next to me on the sofa. You're nervous ( _twitching, fidgeting, breathing fast, why?_ ) about something. I'm in the process of figuring out what, when you turn and grip me by the shoulders ( _hold, pull, so close_ ).

I'm sure I must look incredibly shocked as you lean in ( _natural, right, even if I've only just figured out that I want this_ ).

And then: soft lips on mine.

And for once in my life, it's  _quiet._


End file.
